remember

To choose life is to love the Lord your God, obey him, and stay close to him. ~Deuteronomy 30:20

 I am one who forgets so easily. Why do I easily forget…

that I am made, first and foremost, for Him?

that He is my creator and that I can only be whole in Him?

that one whisper from Him can pacify me more than all the soothing melodies of this  world?

that He is faithful, so why do I worry a lot about the cares of this life?

I run. Days run. Some spent without even having the time to really shut down the whole world and be still and know that He is God. Yes, I know I can talk with Him anytime and anywhere but I also know that I must spend time alone with Him. Otherwise, I will drown in the cares of this world, pursuing things, chasing dreams instead of seeking Him and His kingdom.

Follow my ways and carefully serve me.. Seek the kingdom of God above all else.. He tells me these but instead I fill my head with dreams and fantasies. Haven’t I learned anything from the past? I give pieces of me away too easily. And then what do I do when I fall down and break? Come back crying to Him and promise I would never do things the way I do or think about things the way I used to. But then I do things over and over again, think the same way over and over again. Vicious cycle. I feel like I want to throw up.

Yet He never turns me away when I come back to Him. Wanting to relearn. Wanting to do things His way. Wanting to relentlessly pursue Him instead of fickle wishes and dreams. I asked Him tonight to give me a heart that seeks Him and His kingdom above all else. My heart cries loudly to be freed from wanting anything else but Him. My mind screams to be captive to His rule and not to my own understanding.

May my heart remember, Lord, and forget less and less everyday.

 

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2 thoughts on “remember

  1. I can relate to much of this. I used to be trapped in a vicious cycle related to seeking love. Men were my weakness. God truly freed me in providing my husband. My husband saves me from myself and makes it possible for me to draw near to God. Your desire to be close to God is so admirable. I know that He will provide for and help you.

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